last night

this is my last night living here in the lodge!!! it's kinda sad!

i'm incredibly excited to move, but still ... this was my home for two years.

tomorrow night: same bed, new room!

love,
jackie lea

to clear up the questions ...

I was just admitted to the

HUNTINGTON UNIVERSITY
GRADUATE SCHOOL OF CHRISTIAN MINISTRIES

in the

YOUTH MINISTRY LEADERSHIP

program.

It's an online program where we have class online for one month, meet in person for three days (sometimes in Atlanta, sometimes in Denver, sometimes in Huntington, Indiana, sometimes ... I forget the last place), then we meet online for another two months.

So I will still be working at NWC, going to NHC, working with the NHC youth group, and living in my cute little new house with Tricia, Linds, and Des.

While I am very excited, I guess I am hoping for an overwhelming peace from Jesus that I am pursuing the right path. I do feel a very strong calling on my life to work with youth, but I want to be sure this YML is the right program.

Hence, I ask your prayers!

Hope that answers lots of questions!!!
Looooooooove,
jackie lea

GRAD SCHOOL

I was accepted into my program. :-)

pray.

thanks.

something ...

She feels locked in her own life
Scared of what she might lose
If she moves away from who she was
And she's afraid of being free
There's a way she knows is right
And she can't feel the things she knows and so each step she's taking
Is a step of faith towards who she'll be

And suddenly it isn't what it used to be
And after all this time it worked out just fine
And suddenly i am where i'm supposed to be
And after all the tears, i was supposed to be here
Superchic[k]

I think today was the first time I really listened to the lyrics of this song, and although I can't quite put my finger on it, these words really resonate with me.

"Scared of what she might lose
If she moves away from who she was
And she's afraid of being free" ...
Sometimes I wonder what I would be like without OCD. Would I be boring???

"There's a way she knows is right
And she can't feel the things she knows" ...
Having to separate feelings from knowledge.

"so each step she's taking
Is a step of faith towards who she'll be" ...
This makes me think of grad school. I don't know for sure what I should be doing, so I'm kind of stepping timidly forward in faith, hoping I'm doing the right thing.

"And suddenly it isn't what it used to be
And after all this time it worked out just fine
And suddenly i am where i'm supposed to be
And after all the tears, i was supposed to be here" ...
In 25 years, I will probably look back and think, "WHY did I worry about that!"

The entire song seems to remind me of GOD'S SOVEREIGNTY.

I love it. Thank You, Jesus, for holding me.

i bought a table and chairs!

and we painted our rooms today.

check out my pics!

this weekend

tonight was a good "chill-night": pizza with trix, then home depot, then numb3rs. hahaha, am i such a loser? but it's so good to just relax.

tomorrow: painting my room at the new house! can you believe that i move a week from tomorrow?!! craziness!

sunday: i THINK my parents are going to my church here in the Cities; i sure hope so!!!!!!!!!

keep praying please! love!

please continue praying

i still feel so unsure.




today is a preview day at NWC; these days are big and fun and busy and EXHAUSTING. i'm tired right now, and i'm still at home!!! :-)

nhc

i reeeeeeeeeeeeally like my youth group kiddos.

i am really hoping to do an intense small group with some of the girls this summer.

i am going to go pray now.

how are you, my friends?

prayer request

Dear friends and family,

I truly desire for you to be lifting me up in prayer. My confidence in choosing the right graduate program was shaken today.

A lot of you don't understand what Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder is like (hooray for you!), although if you desire a greater picture of how my mind works, I would recommend checking out the fictional book "Kissing Doorknobs" by Terry Spencer Hesser. It's written for children, so it's a quick and easy read. If you want a glimpse inside my mind, go for it.

All that to say that my confidence can easily be shaken, and today I want to blame my OCD. I haven't been good at taking my meds lately, and today might just show it.

Blah, this is a vulnerable entry for me.

I beg for your prayers.
With thanks,
jackie lea

one more thing

aren't noses funny?

also

i mailed my grad school app today.

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!

the roomies

tricia.
tricia and i have lived together for nearly four years. we went to college together but weren't really friends until after i graduated and moved in with her. we've been together ever since. i LOVE living with her; she's so fun, and she's totally willing to kick back and RELAX with me. when others are having crazy friday nights, tricia and i are likely grabbing supper somewhere, then watching Nanny 911 and Numb3rs. it sounds sad to you, but i LOVE it. :-)


linds.
i feel like God brought lindsey to us two years ago! we "found" her through a flyer posted on a bulletin board in Caribou Coffee. she ended up moving in with us, and i discovered a dear, sweet soul who tastes and enjoys God's grace. i love the way that lindsey sounds like she's about to laugh while she's talking about nearly ANYTHING.


yours truly.


des.
i was des' admission counselor. how weird is THAT? and yet it's this year that we've grown much closer, mostly over Caribou which morphed into homework/writing sessions where we talked the whole time. i love des' heart and convictions.

I AM SO BLESSED TO LIVE WITH THESE LADIES FOR THE NEXT YEAR!

my day

i had a good day. church (love those youth group peeps!), made myself a REAL lunch (attempting to learn to take care of myself ... yes, i'm 25, and fairly incapable), talked to eir online, finished up my grad school application and essays (!!!!!!), talked to eir more, had an allergic reaction to sadie, and now it's bedtime.

can you believe that i'm mailing my GRAD SCHOOL APP tomorrow?!?!?!!!!!!

what am i getting myself into?

homework.

great.

actually, the list of classes sounds AMAZING. Thinking Theologically in Youth Ministry, Theology of Discipleship Evangelism, Student Leadership in Youth Min, Sociology of Adolescence.

AMAZING!

sooooooooo excited. and nervous. my first class will meet in atlanta at the national youth workers' convention. SCARY! a) flying alone, b) class with strangers, c) at the national convention. (i'm such a baby.) (but i'll hide it well!!!)

if you're interested in reading my grad school essays, they're below.
looooooooove,
jackie lea

grad school essays

What are the highlights of your personal history with God?

At age 14, I publicly accepted Jesus Christ into my life, an act more likely motivated by what I was getting myself out of – Hell – than what I was getting myself into – a loving and fruitful relationship with my delightful Savior. I celebrate my “spiritual birthday” on January 31st each year.

Pine Haven Christian Assembly, a small Christian camp in northern Minnesota, was both where I first felt the Holy Spirit speaking to me and also the place that “mentored” me over the years. I would be dismissing an important highlight of my history with God if I did not mention my camp or the conversations I had with God beside the lake at night or my incredible time spent with Him there in a field, feeling crushed by His beauty.

This same camp is the place I discovered I enjoyed teenagers when I was a week-long camp counselor in 2001; it was like another baptism, entering the week as one person, uncertain of the entire enterprise, and leaving it as another, one who loved teenagers and desired to spend her time with them. It sounds extreme to say it this way, but it really was an incredible turnabout.

Another milestone in my life occurred shortly after that summer, during my second year of college when I was attending a Christian fellowship group at the local state university. We were discussing how the sheep of John chapter 10 know their shepherd’s voice. I wondered aloud what it meant if I didn’t know what my Shepherd’s voice sounded like. My Bible study leader asked, “Where can you go where you know you’re hearing God’s voice?” I pretentiously answered, “The Bible.” My leader responded with words that I have shared in messages with schools, youth groups, and camps: “Then read it. Get to know what His voice sounds like. Become familiar with it so that you will better recognize it when He speaks to you.”

Amazing advice! The Bible as a reference book transformed for me into God’s voice, Truth waiting readily to wash over my mind. I developed a greater hunger for the Word, and now I can say that I truly love the Bible. The practice of daily being in the Word, feeding on Truth, has been influential in shaping me into who I am, what I believe, and how I see God. It is what has allowed me to say confidently that I KNOW Jesus Christ.

What personal ministry vision does God seem to be leading you toward at this time in your life?

The framework of my ministry vision is established – love Jesus Christ with everything I am and disciple teenagers to love Him in the same way. I want to “proclaim him, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that [I] may present everyone perfect in Christ” (Colossians 1:28). The skeleton of my ministry seems clear and strong, although the flesh on those bones has not yet developed in its entirety.

I feel a strong calling on my life to work with youth, and I am most interested in the areas of discipleship and mentorship. The integrity of the church is hurt by nominal believers who worship only on Sundays. In efforts to “present everyone perfect in Christ,” discipleship is key. I love where Paul, Silas, and Timothy say to the church of the Thessalonians, “We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us.” I believe the combination of discipleship along with this “life-investment” – in the fashion of Paul with the early churches or of Jesus with his disciples – is worthy of deep exploration in the field of youth ministry.

I hope to learn as much as possible about effective discipleship of youth with an idea of developing a curriculum, small group Bible study, or personal devotional journal – or even a leadership academy – that intends to push teenagers to begin thinking about their worldview earlier than they typically would. I have a vision of molding teens through intense lifestyle discipleship into Christian young men and women who have full ownership of their faith, are daily in the Word, know their spiritual gifts and use them to benefit the body of believers, and are leaders among their peers.

Embracing my calling toward youth ministry, my heart for teenagers, my spiritual gift of encouragement, and my undergraduate degree in the field of writing, I intend to pursue higher education in youth ministry and let God flesh out my ministry vision. He has proven Himself to be faithful to me time after time, and I am stepping into this Youth Ministry Leadership program with many ideas but one goal – to love Jesus Christ and honor Him in whatever direction and path He leads me. I want to pursue His ministry vision for me, and I trust that He will define it as I proceed.

Ministry experience

I can detail various ministry experiences I’ve been blessed to participate in, but I want to be clear that I believe youth ministry is bigger than just saying, “I’ve helped out here and there, chaperoned this or that, spoken or taught or encouraged at such-and-such time.” My lifestyle and my vocation are to love Jesus and to love teenagers.

The closest I can pinpoint as the start of my ministry with youth is August 2001 when I was a volunteer camp counselor for a week. I can not overstate the importance of that week; in fact, people who met me during or after that week cannot imagine me the way I was before it. I have continued to enjoy that camp ministry for a week or so each summer since then, and I have been able to develop relationships with the campers that last throughout the year outside of camp, sometimes including visits, notes, phone calls, and other forms of encouragement.

My calling toward youth ministry became very clear when God led me to my current position as an admission counselor at Northwestern College in the fall of 2003. As a senior counselor, I am able to serve teenagers and their families as they face the intimidating college decision. My ministry involves that service but also much guidance and counsel as my involvement in the lives of my students intensifies. A large amount of our communication is done via the internet or phone, but I also travel to their high schools. In the fall and spring, I often share messages with Christian high schools and youth groups. I’ve also led workshops at the Minnesota Christian Teen Convention.

Finally, I am a volunteer youth leader and small group leader with the senior high students at North Haven Church in North Saint Paul, Minnesota. I assist with youth group evening activities, co-lead a small group of young ladies, and participate in group retreats and other events. But I believe that involving myself in the lives of these teenagers is much more effective ministry than our Thursday evening meetings.

Often that deep and REAL ministry occurs away from huge events and spiritual highs. Being in the Word of God with a student is real discipleship. Those daily activities where we combine the common with the celestial – encouragement over coffee, investigating Scripture in our homes, sharing our hearts over a meal – are what lifestyle discipleship is all about.

isrealite

In the Old Testament, God showed Himself and His power to His people, the Israelites, over and over and over. AND YET THEY DOUBTED HIM!

He caused the mighty plagues upon the Egyptians and even SPLIT the Red Sea before His people so that they walked across on DRY LAND. He appeared to them as a pillar of fire and a pillar of cloud. He provided water, manna, and meat.

And yet, when Moses went up on the mountain, the people made a golden calf as a "god" who would go before them.

ISREALITES! So quick to forget God's faithfulness to you!!!

... and I'm the same.

My God has never failed me, the most recent example of His faithfulness the quick turnaround with finding a new house and roommates. And yet today I was so paralyzed with frustration about payments and the moving out situation that I wouldn't even get out of bed.

ISREALITE! So quick to forget God's faithfulness to me!!!

Lord, forgive me. Help me to trust You. You are mighty, and I want to rest in Your plans. Help me to trust You even when I am angry or trembling.

As they stood between the pursuing Egyptians and the bank of the Sea, "Moses said to the people, 'Do not fear! Stand by and see the salvation of the LORD which He will accomplish for you today; for the Egyptians whom you have seen today, you will never see them again forever. The LORD will fight for you while you keep silent' " (Exodus 14:13-14).

God My God, help me to keep silent while You fight for me. Let me rest in Your faithfulness, sovereignty, and love. Please give me peace not of this world.

I love You. Calm me down, my holy King. Keep my eyes on You.

when you really get down to it ...

i am rather selfish.

desiree

des and her mom, lovely ladies


i am SO EXCITED to live with this girl!!!!!!!!!

SO. EXCITED.

des is a delight, a friend whom i've gotten very close to in this past year. when i thought i was staying in the lodge and tricia was leaving, i thought, "i need another friend here besides lindsey" (not that i'm not friends with the other roomies!) ... "i want to live with des."

and now ...

i will be living with ALL THREE OF THEM. how amazing that I get to live with these three wonderful girls, des, linds, and trixie. how did this even HAPPEN?! i'm so, so, so, so excited.

we move on the 28th. although des won't move in until the end of july, she's still gonna come help us and hang out with us, etc. plus i think we'll be painting the weekend before that. EEEEEEEE! i must sound so silly. but i am really pumped.

how to describe des? a prayer warrior, strong, confident, but quiet (well, not necessarily after you get to know her, haha!), a woman who embraces God.

my roommate. (soon!)

love,
jackie lea

overwhelmed.

me. i just never seem to be quite on top of everything. sigh.

please pray that i will do stellar work on my viewbook-text writing assignment. it's a pretty big deal.

i am so tired, and there are so many things i want to do! i want to do them and enjoy them, and not be so tired and overwhelmed.

please, Jesus, deliver me.

the lodge roomies

Allison on the far left. Top row: Tricia, me, Linds, JJ. Bottom row: Kim, Liz, Karin.

These are my lovely roommates. Tonight Allison took us ALL out to dinner at the Olive Garden. Is that not SO, SO, SO SWEET?! Incredible. She's so lovely like that.

We are very busy ladies so it is extremely rare that all 8 of us are together at one time. In fact, I feel like tonight was the FIRST and ONLY time (besides when we're all sleeping under the same roof)!!! It's very hard to coordinate 8 schedules, so even planned events usually can't involve everyone.

So it was very wonderful that we all got to be together tonight. VERY wonderful.

It's kind of a last hurrah before Kim moves home, and Linds, Trixie, and I move to our new place.

We had fun; the waiter couldn't believe that we were all roommates at first! At the end of the meal, he brought us FREE dessert!! NICE!

The blessings bowl me over.

family

ooooh i just love my sister, gush, gush, gush.

love love love, loooooooooove. sister love.

i love kristin. i love my sister kristin. love love.








(hahahahaha)

quote of the day

"I've been scratching your back since I was a newborn."
Kristin Ann Sommers

sweet life.

slept in this morning.

lunch at panera with whit and eir.

eir and i came back to my house; she napped while i watched "A Beautiful Mind" ... i was supposed to nap too, but i'd never seen the movie before and got hooked.

we went to her house and had roast beef sandwiches lana made. mmmm!

then she did research for her paper, and i worked on my grad school application essays. we were very productive.

and together.





tomorrow i head to kimball to spend time with the fam for easter. how blessed i am that my entire family understands the significance of this important holiday. thank You, Jesus.

easter

my favorite holiday.

thank You, Jesus, for the mighty resurrection.

i have more to say about this, but tonight i just want to say:
I GET TO HANG OUT WITH WHIT AND EIR TOMORROW! woot woot!

Love,
jls

STILL

home sick from work.

sickie

my throat hurts AGAIN. i think i have problems. like sinusitis.

i'm not going into work, but i am probably going to just work from home.

BLAAAAAAAH!

i just woke up and i feel like i could take a nap.

i never used to get sick! i never even went to the DOCTOR during ALL of COLLEGE!!! what in the world?!

one shining moment

that is why i am still awake.

oh march madness.

ending in april.

love,
jackie lea

Pam Beasley/eir davis

Where oh where has my little eir gone? Oh where oh where can she beeeeeeeeee?

I know eir was on a retreat with her youth group this past weekend, but STILL. it feels like it's been forever since i've talked to her. goodness gracious.

(if i don't talk to eir for like 2 days, i feel like it's been forever, fyi.)

(she was actually just home for spring break and is returning again on thursday for easter.)

speaking of easter, it is my favorite holiday.

this morning pastor darrell was talking about how the cross is foolishness to Gentiles and a stumbling block to Jews. very interesting sermon, and it seems to fit in rather well with the poem i am writing about how crazy the Gospel is.

WEEKEND.
i had a lovely weekend with no responsibilities (well, i had one that i got out of). i had pizza with tricia, and i went to ikea with des, and i went to church and saw the peeps, and i did CRAFTS. i sound like a dork.

THIS WEEK.
i have lots to catch up on. and eir comes back thursday, and i don't work on friday.

AND.
PRISON BREAK SEASON FINALE IS ON TOMORROW NIGHT!!!!

ALSO.
please pray that i make wise decisions about grad school. i am asking a lot of questions about the YML program at Huntington, but I would REALLY appreciate your prayers. THANK YOU.

i should go to sleep.

EIR, COME HOME!
love,
jackie lea